Jumping off a cliff

Assembling future plans for me is weird... because I've never had any. No, seriously. I've never even considered the topic. I've thrown around how I'm "still working on my five year plan, just need to pick the right font" but that's the thing... I haven't even picked a font yet. I mean, usually when I write papers I write it, change the font, write more, make sure I have the right font, finish editing, and turn it in... but right now, it's weird... it's like I've tried to fumble through for all these years and really come up with nothing.

I'm literally trying to find the right font - the right fit - before I even put anything down.

I found an old note I had to myself on my computer, and it had different ideas of what to do in the next few years re-worked about eight different times and in different ways (apparently I have this whole thing really figured out).

I've always kinda just mozied along, followed in other people's footsteps, and floundered in my own ideas of what other people might think I should do. Not in a bad way. Just in a way that I never really thought of myself as being just that: Me. Myself. Whatever I decide next, puts me in that direction... whatever it happens to be. Which is a terrifying realization for me.

I guess I always assumed that I would follow in the footsteps of so many of my relatives... go to high school, work locally, get married, have babies. Why? Because that's what everyone I looked up to at the time was doing. It simply seemed logical.

Ideas changed when I thought I could simply tag in the phrase "I'm going to college" after high school and then it would continue on as previously.

And then when things just seemed to keep going the way the did in high school for me with the whole: being involved in everything and nothing at the same time an being waaay to over opinionated about everything too although being passive at the same time.

But reality hits when you've not only gone to high school, not only gotten your bachelor's degree, but when you're in the midst of getting your master's degree and about to start doing what you might be doing for your future. And it freaks you out.

What am I doing here? Do I really want to teach? You've never wanted to teach before. This is what your degree - no, your MASTER's degree is going to put you at. Teaching. You are a teacher. You are in graduate school. You are going to teach. You will have a career. A job. A place to live, a way to pay your bills.

Sure, I like kids, and agriculture is cool... but do I really want to do this?

I told someone a few weeks ago that my current major and graduate school progress was simply: "a practical solution to my bachelor's degree"    which is really sad to think of it that way.

Because, let's face it people: a bachelor's degree doesn't get you a whole lot anymore. It's almost as if it has become what a high school diploma was back in the day.

So, what do I want to do?
I honestly don't really know, so I took the time once the break hit to really write some things down, and I realized something. I have always had dreams and goals about the future. Perhaps not definite "plans" but I do have something I'm aiming towards. I want my life to be an adventure. Everything I have always wanted to do, I did it because I believed it would lead to something more awesome. Not to say that teaching isn't awesome, nor that it's not in my future plans... it is. Just not within the next 10 years, I suppose.

The last thing I want to do in life right now is be stationary. Live life the same, day in and day out. I want life to be an adventure. I don't want things to become so menial that doing laundry is the most epic thing I do in a day, or that driving to the store, which is a mere half mile away, to be the hardest thing I can get myself to do that day. I don't want to be fearless of the things I see in the media (news, movies, etc) because of having seen them day in and day out and thinking nothing of it because it occurs so regularly that I become numb.

I want to really travel out into the world. To really be a part of those things. Sure, maybe I'll be stuck in some rather unfortunate situations that lead to people being literally terrified for my life, but who cares? Is life about comfort and living for the simple? Working to pay for the rent and a new pair of shoes? Or should it be more about going out, meeting people, being relational, living an adventure, going places doing things, -- people, places and things that were placed on this earth with us, for goodness knows, for us to get to know, not just peer at through artificial screens that we plug our faces into day in and day out already. I mean, really, who doesn't know a person between the ages, of oh goodness, 10 to say, 28, who doesn't think that their computer is literally their life? And if they were to lose it.... then they...what... die? Well that sucks. I'm sorry, I just don't want that to be me.

Maybe I'm beating around the bush a lot, but things in my future are not just ideas, I really want to live them out. Perhaps there really are a lot of options, or ideas... some might just be that: ideas. But all the same, just to have an idea, and to really look into it for me, is really probably an indication that it will be a part of my future.

Sure, I'd still love to be married and have babies. Living in close community with people isn't something I don't want either. It's grand, really. But I want to have more than just the same. More than living something complacent.


at least for me, for now anyway.

Ideas for the impending edge-of-the-world for me (aka: reality, when it hits about 6 months from now):

Peace Corps
Raising a guide dog puppy
Joining the US Air Force
Traveling the world: Austria, Australia, Norway, New Zealand, South America
Pursuing music - violin performance, orchestra... which would include moving to a location far from here
Moving to Portland, becoming a hipster
Join OM and go on missions... perhaps the ship?
Become a linguist in Norwegian, German, Spanish... and...?
Pursue a dance career... or just as a serious hobby... modern, ballet, hip hop, break dance?
Pursue action sports: snowboarding, skate boarding, kite boarding, wake boarding, surfing, hiking, mountain climbing
Join Americorps
Cook, bake, and generally become a chef
Join a good church and be on worship team, be involved in house church, small groups, college and high school groups
Learn the piano
Become a singer
Get a camera: take up photography
Become physically in shape: as in in shape for: dance, action sports, cuter clothes, being ready for PT come USAF/etc
Read the whole Bible
Read a crap long list of fun books I haven't the time to read
Make and get a lot of bracelets to wear while I'm a hipster/in the Peace Corps/Americorps
Buy a nice pair of heels that actually fit: learn to walk in them well: use them
Join a local soccer team. Be good at it.
Pursue a career in acting: stage, broadway, silver screen
Pursue cinematography
Learn how to make really good coffee
Live with as little crap as possible
Revamp my bedding to look at least somewhat more like my age: wardrobe too
Become a fashionista


...all in due time, of course. But hey! I'm young, I'm single, I'm just fresh out of college, and I'm full of ideas. Try to stop me if you like, but I'm shooting for the stars here, and I've looked well into the brutal reality of most of it, and I'm not afraid.

I think the worst part of it at the moment is that I can't do anything about anything until mid-June.
How lame is that?